You see a girl with a nice family, supportive friends and what appears to be a nice life. You think I wish I could be her. She is a stay at home mom and has a loving husband. What in the world could she need? She has everything going for her.

But I am here to tell you – what you are on the surface isn’t always the truth. For those of us with DID (dissociative identity disorder), there is likely an ANP (Apparently normal person) running the show for most of the world. This person makes the world believe that things are ok and can often hide the severe traumatic memories in the back. This is a defense mechanism to not let anyone else know about the system and the abuse from childhood.

While this ANP is showing the world one thing, other parts of the system are in disarray. Underneath this calm and collected surface is severe depression, hyper vigilance and severe anxiety. There is also flashbacks that often come and go all day long, body memories that drop you to the ground because the pain is so severe, and suicidal ideation from the horrible pain and memories. But yet the only thing people see is the nice girl who has her life together.

The sad thing about it is that many people get punished for “functioning” in the world. Other people expect this level of functioning all the time and then when it doesn’t happen – they are appalled and want you to get back to where you were. When in fact you were never truly “ok” to begin with. It is a terrible cycle that keeps people from healing because they spend so much time feeling ashamed for trying to get better when that is what is best for everyone.

So, if you have a friend or know someone that has mental health issues of any kind, let them speak honestly to you. Let them know you love them where they are now.